Stress and Dealing with it

Due to the amount of pressure that we as a family is going through because of the catastrophic failings by Oxford Social Services and the Child Protection Team, I have been suffering from the effects.

I am not alone, and nor are you.

The Children's father, my brother, has been suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  He suffers from (and this is not limited to)
  

• Flashbacks - especially when he feels as though he is coping with every day the best he can, he'll suddenly have vivid flashbacks.
• Nightmares - for 6 years now those who love my brother have had to listen to the inner torment coming through in his dreams. The memories he can not hide from.
• Physical Pain, trembling and sweating - effecting his everyday, from social interaction to his work.
• Avoidance - my brother will do everything to avoid being reminded of why he is in this state.  He doesn't try to Blog, he doesn't shout from the roof tops, he literally tries to block it all out. To protect himself.
• Insomnia - he struggles to sleep, and when he does sleep it's like 4 o'clock in the afternoon.
• Depression - with the depression comes self doubt, phobias of dealing with people and anxiety over who's at the door.     

My Sister-in-Law, my brother's new wife, has depression. She has low mood, and continuous feelings of hopeless and helpless.  She feels responsible, and no matter how much we tell her, just her being here helps, it means nothing to her.  I just hope one day she will see how much value she is and how much as a family we love her.

And I have Social Anxiety, Depression and Alopecia (an autoimmune disorder) which means my hair has fallen out.

At this point, I have learned to recognise some of my symptoms. Among many others, they are: Clumsiness, forgetfulness, self doubt and criticism that goes beyond every day neurosis. I often try to discuss these symptoms with friends in order to help myself organise my thoughts. Although it might not seem like much, it is absolutely devastating when somebody tells me "that happens to all of us, mate." It feels as if all of the work I have done to identify the physical and emotional symptoms of my condition was completely futile. It sends me back to the start of this horrible journey when I thought you could get over a mental health problem by just "getting on with it." You can't.  I am reliant on my GP and the support of my friends and family.

You can't blame yourself.  We all suffer the effects of ineffective "professionals".

What I have learnt is to listen.  So what I will suggest if you are trying to support a friend or family member through a difficult time, is that if you are helping somebody get through depression, anxiety or worse, both, please try to listen to them. That's something that is said a lot when mental health problems are mentioned, but few seem to understand what it really means. 

Just listening and empathising, without offering suggestions or advice is the most effective form of support I have ever been given. One or two people who have been through the situation themselves have done this for me and it felt incredible. As I waited for the rundown of "things I can try" like a sledgehammer made of well intentioned advice, a glorious silence descended on the room and my friend just sat there. She told me she wished she could make it go away but she couldn't. She also told me that any time I wanted to talk about how I was feeling, she would listen. That sounds like almost nothing, but it is more helpful and supportive than any suggestion you could possibly think of.  

My Ex-Sister-in-Law I've not spoken to in 7years.  That's a long time.  I can only imagine how she is feeling and coping.